Midnight Meltdowns

There really isn't a better moment for me to shine of shatter as a parent then when my girls are going crazy, at the same time, just before bed. My toddler just had a melt down about water. That doesn't seem so bad but when you give in to a toddlers request it won't be met with a "Thank you. Good night Mother," No, it is followed by a second, third, and fourth request.

Potty
Juice
Daddy
Grammy
Papa
Dede
Shoes
Socks
Pizza
Chips
Ice cream
1 Million Dollars

And while my eldest is belting out her request at the top of her lungs her younger sister, who doesn't want to be left out, just cries to join in the fun. So I  just to ride the tantrum out. It's not even worth getting upset about. It always ends the same way. Eventually, she crashes and the Sand Man punches her in the face. All I have to do for the little one is give her the boob.

All is Well

Now I'm gonna go grab a slice of cake and call it a night.

Mirror Mirror...When Your Spouse is Being Transparent

My Love has this amazing gift of transparency and on occasion it drives me nuts.
Without a second thought he will just poor out his heart and confess anything that he may have done that might have in the slightest way dishonored the Lord or me. 
I know...I know I sound SUPER awful for that first sentence. What woman wouldn't want her husband to be willing to open up and talk to her? What woman would rather her man kept all his thoughts and sins bottled up inside him?

Who you ask... a woman who finds it excruciating to be transparent...that's who. 

Over time I've come to appreciate this quality of his deeply. I'd tell any woman who'll listen to please be a safe place for your husband to express how he feels and what he's struggling with. Are there some things that he may need to take to the Lord or other men to get a more rounded response? Definitely. However, if you make your home and your heart his place of safety he'll be less tempted to look for other ears to listen. Believe me there are others willing to hear him out. So his transparency is not the issue in our marriage it's mine. 

Everyday he and I grow closer and I open up a little more because he has done a great job of becoming my safe place. However, I tend to not utilize that place as often as I should. Admitting I'm wrong or that I messed something up is almost physically painful for me. We've talked about my hesitancy to confess in the past and it simply boils down to fear and pride. I'm afraid that my wrongs will make me unworthy of love. My pride has a hard time remembering that my Love and I are on the same team. We aren't working towards a winner and loser. We are working towards being a beautiful reflection of the Gospel. 

My belief that my husband's love could waver so easily is not fare to him and I'm working daily to change that mindset. As far as pride goes I think as long as there is sin it will be a struggle for me. 

I think the saying "practice makes perfect," works well here. The more I use the safety net that is my husband's arms the more likely I am to run to him instead of away. 

Until next time

-T

Grammie and Papa

Due to the pause on my employment status I've had the rare opportunity to spend an extended time with my parents. While my husband is hard at work back home the girls and I are spending some time with the Grands.

My dad spent some time in the hospital recently and now has to do several weeks or rehabilitation. So while my resumes float around the web looking for a job to call my own we are easing some of the stress for my parents.

It has been such a blessing to see the babies interacting with my mom and dad. I spent some time in the car shedding tears and thanking the Lord for this precious time. Not every parent lives long enough to meet their grandchildren and though I expect my parents to be around for a long time I'm thankful to have had them in my life long enough to reach this milestone.

Seeing my girls give my father all their love and kisses is soul crushingly sweet. He was made for the role of "Papa Fish," as my eldest so lovingly calls him. The first night we left the rehab center she didn't give him a kiss goodbye and she cried most of the way back to Grammy's house because she wanted a kiss from her Papa. Needless to say the next day she made sure we didn't leave without her kiss and she spent the ride home making up sweet songs about her Papa Fish. This transition has been hard on my dad and if he starts thinking about it to much it and really bring him down. I love that I can bring two little cuties to distract him negative thoughts.

My youngest is enamored with my mother. She gives her smiles normally reserved for me, but I don't mind. This is the second time I've gotten to see my mother fall in love with her grandchild and it completely makes my rocky pregnancy worth while.

On another note, my parents aren't the only relatives that are getting to love on the girls. All three of my sisters are here and they are getting run ragged, in the best kind of way. They've played monsters, tag, and hid and seek more times they I can count. They are loving every moment.

There has been so much laughter and love in the past week I can barely hold it all. However, I must admit I'm really starting to miss my husband. I don't necessarily wish we were back home but rather that he was here to witness and partake in all the Love.


We found ourselves in a position last year where we didn't have anything tangible that we could give. However, we were taught that time is a priceless currency. So at this moment we are happy to give of our time to the Grands.

Little Sniffles and Night Time Hugs

It looks like my princesses are sick. I guess that is the penalty for putting them in the nursery for an hour and a half on Sundays. Yes I get to hear a great sermon but I also don't have any small people screaming as me for a little while.

Poor O has taken after her father and shown me that she will need to be supervised after being given any new medications. She's had several random outbursts in her sleep accompanied by a few tears and refusal to blow her nose. I'm just waiting for her to start sleep walking. This could be a long night...

L isn't as congested as her sister so, Lord willing, I can get ahead of the snot monster before it makes a home in her nose for a week.

It's 2am and I'm reminded that my work is never done as the Father's work in my life is also continuous. I pray my parenting is a beautiful reflection of Him.

Grace & Peace
-T

Let's Talk - Depression during Pregnancy (My Story)

Back On The Road

Life has brought me to a point where I suddenly have time to jot my thoughts and prayers down. Why not do it here? A lot has changed since the last entry. Our little one is well into being two years old and we've welcomed a new addition. Our family of four is beautiful and messy and very blessed.

I plan to write things here and upload videos to YouTube. I pray that either avenue brings a little light to your day.

Grave and Peace
-T

She's A Toddler Now

I think my heart is breaking. A kind of sweet deep aching break that I've never felt before. It isn't total sadness because every moment to come is an amazing adventure that I greatly look forward to embracing. However, there is an almost tangible loss I feel at no longer being able to imagine that she is a tiny baby that fits perfectly into into my arms. In fact she can now quite easily wriggle from my embrace and walk away.

She doesn't need me to help her sit up or stand and she would much rather I let her feed herself (unless she's being lazy). Her desire for independence doesn't shock me, I am her mother after all. But the walk down the isle to purchase "toddler" food kind of threw me for a loop. I can distinctly remember saying how it would be forever before she'd be needing any of those things. If I can remember something that clearly even in the midst of my mommy fog then it can't have been that long ago.

Now I'm dancing around the living room to smooth jazz so my toddler can learn a new way to have her nap time. We are transitioning to all solids and she is learning how to nap without that comfort feed.

When she wakes up we'll practice saying ball as she kicks her princess one around the apartment. I'll try for the second day to teach her hi and bye and maybe just maybe I'll be able to sleep tonight or without shedding any tears of joy or sadness.

What an amazing thing it is to be her mother and to have her as my not so little baby girl.

Until next time
-T